This is a re-print of an article written for Performing Recovery Magazine.

Heidi Robinson is a creative support worker for Collective Encounters Theatre for Social Change. She trained at Liverpool Institute for Performing Arts (LIPA) and is an actor, director, and singer/song-writer. Here she talks about her experiences with the Everyman project and shares her own writing.

I have had the pleasure of performing at The Liverpool Everyman on two occasions as part of the Creative Recovery Program and I performed two songs: Battling Drink and I Prayed for You. I have also been a part of the steering group.

The project has been amazing at providing much needed Super Support for both artists and the audiences in recovery. The performances are a nurturing environment full of supportive entertainment that those in recovery can relate to, identify with and in a much-needed distraction, have some laughs.

As participants, we are united in our support for each other. To be a part of this project after going through so much with my affliction is fulfilling, and to help others who may have experienced or are experiencing the same kind of situations is a privilege. The project has helped me in my personal journey- increasing my confidence in my performances, which then help other people.

I wrote a monologue some years ago, detailing briefly what I have been through with alcoholism. (see next page)

I am very grateful to be involved in the project.

It needs to be said – the recovery journey brings both ups and downs. The path is far from easy and a couple of years after this monologue, I had a major blip. I drank on holiday with my now teenage daughter, which was a low for us all! It’s been a slow process of repair these past two years … but there is light at the end of the tunnel! She recently brought me a present back from her holiday, and this has overwhelmed me with gratitude and thanks that forgiveness is possible.

Making my music, acting and films helped in my recovery journey. The songwriting and music gave me an outlet to creatively express, share and heal from my experiences.

My songwriting helped me understand myself more deeply. I wrote the song Battling Drink about all the ways normal life could trigger my drinking. I’ve had audience members come up to me after a performance sharing how they identified. The artistic work on the whole gave me a sense of satisfaction and has been crucial in my recovery.

As I was healing more I was drinking less and having longer periods of abstinence. They also gave me a purpose, this also led me to drinking less as I was working on the projects. Knowing that the music and films were of benefit to those in recovery has given me the drive to continue.

GETTING OUT OF THE PIT

Let’s get the alcohol for a fun night out,

All dressed up, exciting, sparks flying about,

Anticipation what the night will bring,

We are in the taxi having a sing,

Dancing the night away aren’t we all,

Having a great time, having a ball?

It happened slowly bit by bit.

I suddenly find myself in a pit,

Drinking alone, drinking too much,

Drinking to forget, drinking as crutch,

The alcohol brings toil and trouble,

What happened to my lovely life bubble?

Affecting me physically, bending my mind,

Toxic relationship, my daughter I cannot find,

This made me feel crazy, it made my heart ache,

How could they my daughter take?

Devastation, trips to A&E,

This isn’t Heidi, this isn’t me.

How am I still here after such destruction?

Life has a purpose or a plan so much then.

Then family intervention, old friends reconnecting,

Getting me to face the truth, it’s out of hand,

I’m not well, they’re going through the roof,

Wirral Ways, AA, alcohol and me,

Finding other things to drink and every single herbal tea.

Two steps forward, three steps back,

Lots of blips and getting back on track.

Years later all is calm,

Overcoming no reason for alarm,

My beautiful daughter, I do see,

I’ve come so far, go Heidi…me!

My film A Digital Present from a stranger can be viewed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I9phdUKcYw

My other films can be found here: https://youtube.com/heidirobinsonharmonizax-3223?si=40-XQcsUxIC1NMdo

You can listen to Battling Drink at: https://open.spotjfy,com/track/5MvYPjmSbhRk16Gf61-yfCg?si=Gaqnh2dsTUmplp4CWai4uA